Open Letter to Fat Cow

Dear Fat Cow in Ealing Broadway Tube Station Monday Morning,

Let me begin by saying that normally I don't call people fat, because I don't think it's very nice. I also happen to think fat is far more about attitude then actual weight. I for instance, carrying two very large babies on a very small frame, might not be in a position to call anyone fat with reference to their weight. I do feel justified in calling you fat though as you are an awful and despicable human being. In case you have forgotten, which I am sure you have as it was likely far more traumatic for me then you, let me recap your Monday morning folly for you.

You-Walking down the wrong side of the staircase in a very busy tube station at about 7:30 Monday morning. Me-walking up the correct side of said staircase at the same time.

Now call me selfish, but unless you are 9 months pregnant with the two babies who are very big and you happened to be very petite (5 ft and change) I am guessing you don't know how much effort it takes to get out of bed and make yourself look presentable in the morning for work, much less to walk up a staircase. That handrail, you see, is my best friend. That handrail keeps me from toppling backwards down the stairs and into the person shoving me from behind. I realise I am slow, which is why I take extra measures to keep left, lest I hinder the people who are coming down the staircase on the appropriate side.

So when you came down the wrong side of the staircase, pushed me backwards and refused to acknowledge me when I said EXCUSE ME, very loudly, you can understand why I had criminal thoughts. After the person behind me caught me before I fell, I turned around giving you one more chance to at least make eye contact with me and give me an apologetic look. But instead you carried on as if you were the only person in the world and were off to save some one's life. I doubt you are a brain surgeon, so my guess is you were just off to your boring job that you aren't very good at anyway. My guess is that you haven't been laid in about a decade and have very few people in your life who love you. Under normal circumstances I would feel sorry for you, but in my heightened hormonal state of vulnerability, I don't. Instead, I actually considered turning around, grabbing you by the nappy hair and throwing your ass down the stairs. Luckily I am too immobile to do this.

I do have one word for you though. Karma. You'll pay. Oh yes, you will pay,

Signed,
Angry and bitter pregnant woman who shouldn't be in public, much less on a tube