Last night I had a dream about an old friend and woke up with a start. For an important period of my life, we were very close and then one day we weren't. I miss her often and think of her even more.
As adults in the 21st Century, I think we expect lovers to come and go, we don't think we'll work for the same company forever and we don't buy a house expecting to die in it. We buy clothing that we only expect to have for one season or one holiday and we dispose of mobile phones and technology more often then we change our lightbulbs. I think for the West in particular, we live in a disposable culture. I do think though that by in large we expect our friendships to last. Once we have made it through the hormonal teenage years followed by the angsty Uni years and finally the self discovery of our mid twenties; it's safe to say that most of us expect that the friends we have will be the friends we keep. Because of this, often times losing a friend is far worse then losing any of the other important people or things in our lives.
There were four of us during that time in my life and we were thick as theives. We lived spitting distance from each other for a few years and saw each other most days. We did everyting together and had an absolute blast to boot. But then 2 of us became a couple while 2 stayed single, the couple bought a house and moved, someone moved abroad, someone dated someone elses ex boyfriend and well.....you get the picture. Life happened. Even though life happened, three of us stayed close, while one drifted away. It was sort of a gradual process but was sharp and painful all the same.
The remaining three of us all live in different cities now in three time zones on two continents, we are all at very new places in our lives and we are all so much different then we were 10 years ago when we spent all those days and nights trying to sort out what it all meant. None of that has changed the fact that we have very deep and solid friendships. We love one another very much and consider each other permanent fixtures in our lives. We all miss the person who is no longer in contact with us and the smallest things remind me of her on nearly a daily basis.
As I rushed through Soho this morning, gloved hands shoved in pockets, scarf tightly wound around my neck and head down to minimise the bitter cold getting in, I warmed from the inside. I saw a sign in a sex shop that made me laugh. It made me laugh because it reminded me of her and I remembered my dream last night. Despite life moving on and people diverging, we can never deny that once someone is touches your heart, they always have a place in it. I may be forced to rely only on the memories of my one time friend in dreams, but for now, that's enough for me.
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